Sunday, May 15, 2011

Go the F*ck to Sleep

It's genius really. Adam Mansbach is the Cee Lo Green of parenthood with his new book, Go The F*ck to Sleep.  I'm so upset I didn't write it myself.  I defy you to find a parent who hasn't thought it and those of you I know and love, you've all said it.  But believe me, I respect you just as much if it was only a silent mantra.

It gives rise to so many other titles:
Clean Your F*cking Room!, Brush You F*cking Teeth (courtesy of Mary Pols), Run, Your Going to Miss the F*cking Bus, and of course, Shut the F*uck Up, For Just One Minute, Please.

Before I had children, I used to judge those women in the grocery store who ignored their children sitting in the carriage chattering away.  I thought, oh you can do better.  I will definitely do better. Now I have four children, who all talk at the same time, vying for my attention like a pack of puppies. One takes a deep breath when he wakes and does not stop talking until he closes his eyes at night.  Each day I'm thrilled by my children's vocabulary, wit and perseverance.  But for the times that I have no answers or don't give a rat's ass about Pokemon, Star Wars, Halo, or the Friday, Friday song maybe there should be a book out there to remind me, I'm not alone.

Comment with your own titles, maybe we can start our own series.

Friday, May 13, 2011

We just Went to the Movies

Mother-daughter bonding and it spawned this:

What'd They Say?

What’s twat mean?  Well, what’s the c-word?  Like runt?  What do you mean you can’t say it?  Why?  But what does it mean?  If it’s just girl parts why can’t you say it?  Is it like calling black people negroes?  Like the n-word?  That’s bad, isn’t it?  If twat is really that bad, why was it in a PG-13 movie?  So twat’s bad but on a different level than the c-word, is that it?  Why does my friend Maddy say twat all the time then?  That doesn’t seem fair that it only means idiot in England -- can we move to London?  But didn’t I hear Daddy say it? He did not say snot, you’re kidding right?  Why do you always do that, pretend he doesn’t say the stuff he does?   Is it worse when a man says it?    Well he’s your husband, and my father isn’t he?  What about skank?  Can I say skank? No?  But don’t you think that’s sad?  Because listen, “skank”, doesn’t it just roll right off the tongue?  Don’t you hate that all the best sounding words are the ones you’re not supposed to say?